change

26Apr12

in summer of 2010, i moved to illinois. the situation at home had become unbearable. i had started to self-harm, and was on a steep sliding roll down. the cutting was not what had finally prompted my dad to arrange my moving in with my aunt; he just wanted her to ‘fix’ me. at least that is what i thought at the time. he later admitted to her that he ‘wanted me to have a chance’.

maybe that was him admitting that in the terrible environment i had at home, i was doomed by no fault of my own.

shortly after moving, i got my first job in home healthcare, which gave me the money to visit my city for the first time. my life changed drastically then, my goals in life clearly defined.

when i lived in florida, i was on an antidepressant for anxiety and depression. since moving to illinois and ‘recovering’ from the trauma, i find i have no depression. if i go off the antidepressants, i am anxious, but not depressed. i rarely have the urge to cut, and haven’t since moving.

sometimes, you need to make a change, because until you do, nothing will.

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8 Responses to “change”

  1. Great post!

    My life began improving once I recognized what I needed to change in my life. Since I moved my moods have also improved. I had to get out of the town that carried so many hurtful memories and hurtful people!

    • exactly. what is hard is people asking me to come back for a visit. do you have that issue?

      • I’ll visit happily because I only see the people who haven’t hurt me in the past or we’ve worked things out. Also I know I can leave. When I do go back home and there is a gathering of old “friends” that’s when things get messed up and I see and feel a lot of disgusting things. Luckily that won’t happen often because most of us hate each other now 😛

      • That is great. I will remember that – I hope it turns out well when the time comes! Thanks.

      • No problem! Maybe encourage people to visit you more?

      • haha, i live 1000 miles away in a remote town. not likely.

      • Aw boo! I see the issue.

  2. Yes. Ah, perhaps during the winter holidays I will cave 🙂


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