happiness isn’t manic

04May12

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for years, my mom drilled into me that i was a lesser person because, she said, i had bipolar disorder. for years, i rebelled against that. i only had violent tantrums when she provoked me. my mood swings were not that dramatic, and weren’t unusual for a girl my age, especially not for a girl living like i did. i did seek comfort in the fact that admirable people like patty duke and linda hamilton had come out as bipolar – i loved hamilton in beauty and the beast. maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to be like her…

whenever i was most optimistic about my future, when i was happy, when i felt like i had it in me to defy gravity, my mom would put me down, telling me in so many words that i was going through a manic period. but that would mean the opposite – depression, cutting, crying, hopelessness – is normal.

i’m not crazy.

do i really have bipolar disorder? i’m not sure. it would seem that it does run in my family. but if i do have it, i think i’m okay with it. i think it is the wild, unstable part of me that brings out my creativity, my morbidity, the twinkle in my eye, the things that make me unique. that part of me, whether it has a name or not, is a part of me i love, that i wouldn’t give up just to shed a label.

happiness, confidence, and optimism are not manic. don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.

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musician demi lovato had been public about having bipolar disorder

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16 Responses to “happiness isn’t manic”

  1. I’m proud to be “crazy”! (Hence my blog name)

    I’ve run into a similar problem where I am labeled as bipolar (never officially) because I can go from extreme confidence to suicidal very quickly. I’m not manic though…..but then guess what?!?! There’s a disorder for that also!

    Just be you 🙂

  2. I haven’t experienced this kind of thing, but I totally agree with you! 🙂 Don’t let anyone put you down. 😀 Love the honesty you have in your blogs.

  3. 10 Kelly

    This is so inspiring. I think you seem to be a wonderful person, and I think you should be proud of who you are. 🙂

  4. I love the way you are so honest in these posts. Please remember that people give you clues about their state of mind. When your mother puts you down, it is her that is dealing with insecurity in her life. She is so busy looking at what she thinks is wrong with everyone else that she hasn’t been able to look at herself and face her own demons. Take care. Oh yeah, anyone who takes care to look inward and work on themselves are people who are kind and open to change. How could someone like that be bad?

    • Thank you so much for all your kind words and encouragement. I really appreciate them, and your great blog posts.

  5. Thought this was an important, really well-done piece. Liked it enough to link back to you an more of an explanatory piece on BD (infographic, statistics, quiz, etc). Feel free to come by if you’d like to see your name in lights at http://wp.me/p22afJ-18i. And glad you fought through to get to this point.

  6. Hey, girl.

    I’ve been living with happiness, without guilt, for a couple of years now and, much to my surprise, I haven’t hurt any one, or spent tons of money, over-sexed myself, or stuff like that. Be who you are… … …and learn from your own experience.

    I could have used your knowledge years ago; but life doesn’t work backwards that way and I’m approaching 70 now. Still, following my own ways, accepting my personal brand of craziness, hasn’t been bad. Instead, its been an exhilarating voyage. And, as the cruise ship slogan says, “Getting There Is Half The Fun”!

    Take “reasonable” risks. Write!! It’ll clarify your mind. Choose your friends well. You’ll be fine.

    TD


  1. 1 Bipolar Disorder Infographic and Stats « candidaabrahamson

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