the complete guide to not giving a f*ck

10May12

i was raised to worry about what others thought of me. as dysfunctional as my family was, in public we presented the perfect family. three girls, with beautiful dresses, hair always combed, with headcoverings on top. three boys, wearing white shorts and knit vests. we were expected by our mother to act a certain way, and we did.

growing up, back before caller id became the norm, i remember watching my mom scream at us, to pick up the phone a moment later and say “hello?” in a demure voice. then it would change again if it was my dad, or a close friend, back to her normal voice.

my behavior is definitely a learned trait.

since getting my anxiety problems in around september of 2009, i have found myself compulsively creating an identity. if i posted a youtube comment, i would have to compulsively check facebook to make sure it didn’t end up on my profile. the idea of someone i knew seeing my fanfiction profile, knowing it was me, made my stomach tie in knots.

this is something i have worked against, for years. and today, i found an article that i am convinced will change my life. it is called the complete guide to not giving a fuck. its basic point is a quote of dr. seuss’,

“be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

it states that people are incredibly adaptable. if they care too much about the fact that you’ve decided to become, say, a dominatrix, they need to sort out their priorities (an example. i’ve no interest in that, er, area)

nothing about me has changed. i am still the same person i was yesterday. i still love nutella, thunderstorms, and the smell of vintage books. i still have a scarf fetish, and an obsession with skinny jeans. i am still going to become a cna, and move to new york city. my best friend is still f, and i am still knitting the same thing i was yesterday.

but my outlook on life has changed. i don’t care if people know i write fanfiction. i don’t care if people know what television shows and movies i watch. so what if i want to wear something a bit unusual out in public? i don’t give a crap what people think.

that is not to say that i don’t care if feelings are hurt. i won’t be sharing this blog with my parents, and i would much prefer that they didn’t know the contents of my stories. but if bobby down the street wants to know…? why lie? why try to present perfect?

it is all about perception. how do i expect to feel good about myself, if i am hiding all these important aspects of myself from everyone i know?
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14 Responses to “the complete guide to not giving a f*ck”

  1. 1 jannath

    I love it! VERY VERY well said and good for you. What we are IS all learned behavior but who we become is up to us.

    • Thank you! I really do appreciate your words. We can’t control the weather, others, or even much of our future, but we are in full control of US.

  2. i wish it were as easy to do as to say! l love the idea!

    • It isn’t easy! So far, I am just making a concious effort to not go crazy overboard checking to make sure my blog doesn’t end up on fb. I am going to be anxious over it for awhile though – worrying about what others think is a habit!

      • i hear you, i also need to keep mine off of FB because of my family. it has actually been a pretty freeing thing to do this blog…i let the fear of my family finding it stop me for years and now, in this area…i don’t care! i hope it becomes that for you!!

      • Thanks for the encouragement. My main concern is mŷ parents. I want to speak liberally about my life, my past, without worrying about them getting hurt. I will be open about having a blog – just not the url!

      • yes my parents and sister are a concern for me. i don’t use my real name…i have spoken more liberally on here then ever before. it has been wonderful. i suspect we have been through some similar things..

      • as do I. I am looking forward to looking through your archives and finding out your story.

        I am not so worried about my sister, though she is liable to not agree with some of the things I have said on here.

      • yes i hear you my sister is in complete denial…lol i too am looking forward to reading your blog further 🙂

      • wow; we really do have a lot in common! i am so glad you found my blog!

      • i’m glad i found it too!!

  3. Love this! You know, it took me a long time to let go of what others think of me. I spent the majority of my teens and early 20’s living up to other people’s expectations of me….and then one day, it was like a swich was flipped and I was me. All of me. In PUBLIC! I turn 31 this year, and I can tell you that I still have my moments, but its so freeing when you can look someone in the eye and say “So?” when they make a snide remark. The journey has already begun, one day, one step at a time will get you where you want to be. 🙂

    • thank you so much for your encouragement, and story. I am glad I am trying to make these changes now, rather than five years from now!


  1. 1 The Complete Guide To Not Giving A F@#$ | U Keep Walking Forward

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