skewed reality

20May12

“probably the most important thing i can say about richard bachman is that he became real. not entirely, of course (he said with a nervous smile); i am not writing this in a delusive state. except …well …maybe i am.” – stephen king on his pseudonym

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my reality isn’t skewed. i know who i am. i know where i am at. i know what i am doing.

but sometimes, i worry about myself. looking through post drafts and ideas, i see several posts that others could see as a bit ‘odd’. the ones in question all contain references to the fact that my imagination runs wild, and whenever i get the opportunity to imagine myself somewhere else, or lie about who i am, i take it and run.

if i ever have any more than three seconds of alone time, my mind is running off with its current scenario. maybe i’m a movie star being interviewed. maybe i’m no one at all, but a novel character, in a deep conversation with another. i am rarely here, in the now, in my imagination.

sometimes, i wonder how other people think. they can’t be daydreaming like i am – what do normal people think about?

now, by strict definition, my daydreaming isn’t a problem. it hasn’t gotten me in trouble at my job, or in my personal life. lying about my identity online once posed difficulties for me, but the lesson was learned, and i moved on.

but is it normal? it is not as if i have multiple personalities, or actually believe these things. they keep me from being bored, and make me happy; i don’t see any harm in them at all. but by the sheer volume of drafts pertaining to such things, it has to make me wonder.

i’d like to blame my mother for instilling the belief in me that something is seriously wrong with me, but i do that too much. it would begin to get repetitive.

even if i have no doubts it is true.

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14 Responses to “skewed reality”

  1. Well….It ain’t a bad thing to be exact, everybody does it. But I think it would not be wise to remain in it for any longer period of time or be lost in it on a regular basis. If you get lost in it, it doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you…it just means that you may be loosing some moments in the present which are way too precious

  2. I’ve struggled with finding “reality” and have basically settled on that we all have different realities, all are valid and need to be respected.

    I’ve had people make me seriously doubt if my head was telling me the “truth” and it was a terrifying experience.

    I think more people may think like you than you may know! The only difference is you’ll tell people about it and they wont!

    • Haha! Maybe it’s just about perception – if we all call it daydreaming, it is okay!

      I’ve had people doing what I was certain to be the truth too! Just out of curiosity, did you find you to be right or wrong?

      • Depends on who I ask. For the most part I’m told I’m right but I’m usually told I’m wrong by the one person that is most important and then told I’m wrong again when I say that they make me feel like I can’t trust my head and that I’m always wrong šŸ˜› It’s funny when you’re wrong about always being wrong….I hope this made sense lol

      • That reminds me of that saying that’s been going around lately, “I’m always right, except for that time I thought I was wrong, but I was wrong”.

        For me, it is usually a memory. For example, I swear hearing mom tell several times about this car her dad or stepdad had, and how whenever she got uncomfortably hot, he’d tell her to stick her hand out the window. But later when I reminded my mom of the story, she said it never happened, that I’m making it up, etc. I think you are describing similar situations!

      • I don’t have a good memory but sometimes I think it comes down to interpretation or how old the memory is. It’s not uncommon for people to remember childhood memories incorrectly or when under stress.

        Overall I don’t care if I’m remembering things correctly because I need to deal with the fact that I’m remembering something and it may be hurting me. I need to deal with that, calm down, and then I can think.

  3. maybe it’s just your way of escaping, not always a bad thing šŸ™‚

  4. Years ago, a dear friend who fell totally out of the realm of “normal” but who was one of the most creative and caring souls I’ve ever met told me “it’s the cracked ones that let in the light”. I’ve never forgotten that. Reality comes in many different forms and none should be discounted. In my own experience, too many people in this world who consider themselves “normal”, practice “crazy-making” so their own reality doesn’t come into question. The sad part is, most don’t even know it!


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