once upon a time, there was a boy named m.
m is the one who introduced me to the beauty of abandoning capitalization stylistically. m is the one who urged me to follow my dreams, encouraged me to mature. m was my first crush.
he has never met me.
when i met m, it was online. i had already created this persona for online safety (which was wise, at thirteen), and interacted with him through it. as far as he was concerned, i was several months younger than i actually am, lived in a different state, town, with a different family. he knew my personality, likes and dislikes, but the rest was a lie.
my conscience caught up with me, and i cut off contact with him. i knew i would eventually be caught in the lie, and couldn’t bare it. that was the day i promised i would always be authentic online, even if i had to hide details like my name or city.
on occasion, years later, i look him up. he’s in a band. a very active twitter account proves we are still so much alike. he has a girlfriend.
every time i hear his connecticut hometown mentioned on television, my heart still skips a beat.
m, if you ever see this, please know i am sorry for leading you on like this. i didn’t intend to meet someone like you. i never intended for either of us to get hurt. i will never forget you.
Filed under: past (1999-2006) | Leave a Comment
Tags: blogging, journal, love, non-fiction, relationships