beauty is in the eye of the beholder

21Jun12

beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye – miss piggy

c is a great person. she is loyal, but remarkably uncompassionate. she has a great smile, but often seems too shy to show it. you hardly ever see her without hair snaps in her hair. her favorite companions are animals, large and small. she prefers them to human companionship, which a lot of people do.

thing is, i suspect a deeper reason.20120511-212621.jpg

my mom, despite her cruelty towards me, always had one area where she was full of compliments; i was her idea of beautiful. blonde curly hair, curvy in the right places, etc. c has hair that naturally cannot decide whether it is auburn, brown, or a shade of red, has a very thin figure, and while is pretty, has no particular feature my mom thought was beautiful.

all her life, c had to endure the “oh bri, you are so pretty! oh, hi c; you’re cute too, dear” comments from just about everybody in our lives. a neighbor once told her “you are the ugly duckling, who will turn into a beautiful swan”. during all of this, shouldn’t my mom have intervened, or at least held c close and counselled her? absolutely.

but she didn’t. she encouraged it.

i watched c turn to animals, and display what seems to me a fear of rejection with people. she is not keen to go on dates, which at the age of twenty-two is unusual, but why? she is convinced she is not beautiful, that she is ugly; she has told me that much.

earlier this week, while my mom and i were having a (rare) phone conversation, she a bit randomly said “i don’t think c is ever going to get married. she isn’t pretty, and she doesn’t even try to be”.

i think she knew how much that pissed me off, afterwards.

love is patient and kind. love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. it does not demand its own way. it is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. it does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

my mom displays none of those traits.

no one ever told me i was pretty when i was a little girl. all little girls should be told they’re pretty, even if they aren’t – marylin monroe

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4 Responses to “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”

  1. words i think make people uglier than looks sometimes..

  2. It made me feel sad to read this… But it’s great how much understanding for love you seem to have growing up with such a mum.

  3. C needs a good dose of self-esteem and someone to come along and tell them how wonderful they are..which was obviously absent in her growing years…why oh why don’t parents realize how important it is to affirm and build up their children….Diane

  4. 4 f

    that marilyn quote bugs me, even if they aren’t? how rude! but c is beautiful. so pretty, i wish i looked like her.. 😦 she should know that. someone should be telling her every day.


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