it’s like a tank top

08Jul12

i haven’t worn a tank top in years.

that must seem pretty weird to you, coming from a girl raised in florida. but maybe not so weird once you know the whole story. when i was seven, my family converted to mennonite, where tank tops were most certainly not allowed, and everything had to be below the kneecap. after my parents drifted back into what is seen by society as somewhat normal, i never went back to wearing tank tops. my sisters did, my mother did. but not me.

blake lively tank top

finally having to confidence i didn’t know i lacked enables me to pull off cute looks like this

truth is, by the time i was allowed to wear them again, i felt i couldn’t. my arms were too big, my chest was too big for any tank top that would fit me, etc. i would only wear them if they had a built-in-bra (which i would still wear with a bra), and then only if i had a cardigan to throw over. my mother never bought me them unless i intended to wear them under something – maybe the fact that she never did supported this idea in my head, though as i recall she never said i couldn’t wear them without a sweater. not that i ever remember really entertaining the idea. i just knew i was, like an unspoken rule.

yesterday i was searching for something clean to wear when it struck me; i am not too big for a tank top. the idea is ridiculous. i weigh far less than the majority of the american population, and if i wore them, i suddenly realized no one would look twice.

and if they did, it didn’t have to matter to me.

i have worn them for two days in a row now, and feel wonderful. free. free of an insecurity that up until yesterday, i didn’t even know that i had. free of another burden stemming from my adolescence. free.

i am growing. and not in a way that affects how i look in a sleeveless shirt. i am growing on the inside, and i will have you know that is far more important to me right now that anything on the outside.

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4 Responses to “it’s like a tank top”

  1. that’s amazing an inspiration to me!

  2. I’m so happy for you sweetie! Keep growing! It makes my heart smile 🙂

  3. Good for you…feeling comfortable being you….Diane


  1. 1 what i wore today; blue shoes « movingtonewyork

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